Monday, January 24, 2011

under control?

E and I have had a really good system of supporting each other in terms of managing our lives/house for the past year and a half. Normally, my schedule is fairly easy: I work a low-stress 9-5 while he is pretty intensely involved in study 10-12 hrs a day in class/studying.
So during the school year I'm in the supporting role handling a lot of the household stuff including making dinner, laundry, schedules, etc.

During the summer E had an internship that required some time, but not as much take-home work, so my responsibility felt a little easier as he took on more household stuff.

This semester my schedule has gotten a lot busier with work + my Greek class (which takes up an additional 10 hours-ish a week), but E's schedule isn't any lighter, so I've been thinking about how well we function when we both are in need of a little extra support, but neither in a position to do that.

I'm sure we'll be fine, but the third week of coming home to dishes piled up, clean laundry unfolded, an ironing pile, neglected garden, is making me feel a little out-of-control (and the fact that I've cooked only 3-4 times this month--bad time to change our eating habits!)

have you had a time in your marriage where both of you were spread too thin to manage both home and work/school?

ps. another post on this topic by Beka


Katie said...

I applaud that you ever had a good balance! So far we've yet to find one. Over a year living together and 8 months married... Fail.
We both work 8-4:30, medium stress jobs, leave and return at the same time (we commute together), and come home to two very high energy, poorly behaved dogs. Piled up dishes & laundry a rarely totally clean house, boxes still unpacked from moving, yet unpainted and unorganized rooms - it's everyday and it drives me insane. I'm hoping this year we'll find our groove. Part of it is that I'm used to taking care of myself, and he was used to his mom doing everything (but shhh! you didn't hear that from me!) Hopefully he'll realize soon that I'm not his mom and have no aspirations to be a 50s housewife.

beka said...

I have so been there- as you know. All I can say is it's usually temporary- and if I remind myself of that, it helps me make it through. To be honest, I've felt this way a lot while S is studying for the CPA lately, as I'm packing to move, or now that we've moved, unpacking. It feels like I'm ALWAYS behind- it's so hard to find that balance but I know that you can. And things will change, schedules usually do, and you'll feel more on top of things again.

Thanks for the link!

Hoping your week is off to a good start.

AmyJean {Relentless Bride®} said...

I think acknowledging where you are "lacking" is probably the first step to improving things :)

We have those moments and it gets a bit crazy, but we try to help out where we can. When he works more, i do more at home and vice versa. There are occasional freak outs - especially b/c i think everything is dirty, and he's ok with a little bit of clutter - but communicating is huge for us to keep our emotional clutter to a limit - even if our house clutter is everywhere. Another thing too I've learned is to say "let the clutter sit a minute while I sit with my husband and just be." It's hard to do but it helps me remember the important stuff - US!

Lindsay @ LindsayInNYC said...

My now-husband and I met in law school so we've had to learn how to balance life a million different ways now! When he took the bar, I did most of the house stuff. And vice versa when I took it. Now that's we're both working it's harder. We leave the house by 8am and aren't usually home until 8pm. 95% of the laundry is done on the weekend. Usually mostly on Sunday. I also do any necessary ironing on Sundays too. I iron my work pants and some dress shirts (since woman's shirts cost a ton more). My husband's shirts go to the dry cleaner every 2 weeks or so. We have someone clean our apartment every 6-8 weeks and don't do much to clean it in between. I try to find quick meals for dinner too... Bertolli makes some great dinners for 2 that come in a bag. PF Changs also sells them too. So I try and do that. Otherwise, dinner is usually one-pot meals: tacos one night, leftovers for taco salads another night. It's not easy and doesn't always work but it helps a little. Let me/us know if you have any other tips!!

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