Monday, March 11, 2013

a few months' perspective

The weird thing for me about transitions and difficult phases in life is that it's really hard to talk or write about them while I'm in the midst of them. Unless it's that stream-of-consciousness, I'm-not-sure-where-this-is-going babble...and there is a place for that, but for me it's not usually on the internet, or even on paper. I can't stand to write when I don't know what I want to say. (which is probably why I'll never be a brilliant author). I don't know that I have good perspective even now, but the itch to write returned, so I did.

I guess I should back up a few months.
This past summer and fall were really great for E and I. I (we) felt blessed and really thankful that we were both employed, staying in San Diego area for the foreseeable future, and having more time together after a long four years of E in school. We had a little extra income and could start paying down loans and enjoying a dinner out every few weeks without feeling guilty. We got more involved at church and spent more time with friends.

But then winter crept in, and we started feeling like maybe something should be happening. E had a good, but temporary/low-skill job while he waits for a pastoral call and I was getting restless and discouraged in my own job. We wrestled back and forth with what our next step should be and I started to get pretty down. After a few months we decided that we shouldn't put our life on hold indefinitely just because E might get a call to a church soon across the country or across the world. We needed to live in the present. So if he gets a call - great! We'll evaluate it when it comes, and if necessary, pick up and move. But if it takes one year, or five - we don't want to be living a lifestyle of waiting and settling for less, because 'just in case'.

I was ready to progress in my career, so I started the (nerve-wracking, exhausting, discouraging, frustrating) endeavor of job hunting in a field that I haven't directly worked in, and have good, but limited experience in - web communications and social media. I'll save that saga for the next post.

Almost five years post-college, I feel like I'm just starting to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. And I'm starting to realize why people say that they love their thirties...because they're actually starting to figure out what they want in life. (I want to be thirty and past this stage!) But I'm thankful for God's Word telling me WHO I am - a redeemed and beloved child of God - even as I struggle through the mess of growing up and getting older.


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