Monday, May 5, 2014

20 weeks: some reflections at the halfway point

(20 week pictures are at the bottom of the post if this part is boring for you!)

I haven't done a very good job of pregnancy updates. I never planned to do weekly blog updates, but it's been harder than I thought to write about pregnancy at all. (The fact that I spend lots of time in tears on the bathroom floor for absolutely no reason probably has something to do with that. Pregnancy hormones are wrecking me!)

I tend to deal with life in a very big picture, long-term sort of way. So when faced with the enormous prospect of parenting, the lifestyle changes it brings, and the particularly hard and scary stages coming up (like infancy), I've been feeling very overwhelmed and unprepared. It's hard to write about fear and anxiety toward a process that for most people is so anticipated and joyous. But there it is: I'm having a baby and I'm scared.

I'm continually amazed at how much mamas go through to bring life into the world. Pregnancy is not a joke. Big kudos to all the moms of the world (especially those who can do it with less whining that I can.) I am a big huge baby myself  - more proof of God's sense of humor.

A recent girls' weekend and conversations with dear friends/mamas who emphasized the fun and fullness that life with kids will bring has helped me start to emerge from my cocoon of terror and try to enjoy the process, as well as get a little excited for the big transitions ahead.

Everyone deals with change - especially one as big as a new baby - differently, but I've started to come to a few realizations that have helped me cope:

  • Just because I'm mourning my impending loss of freedom and sleep, doesn't mean I don't love my baby.
  • Just because I'm packing in vacations, excursions and fun into the next four months, with the fear that they'll never happen again, doesn't mean I don't love my baby.
  • Just because I want to (don't have to) to go back to work, doesn't mean I don't love my baby.
  • Just because I'm not a "baby person," doesn't mean I won't love my baby.

At the bottom of it all, we know that God picked this timing to bring a child into our lives and we are overwhelmed and thankful. (For the record, E is very excited and not nearly as nervous as I have been.)

And this baby is coming, whether I'm ready or not.

Anyway, here is a little bumpdate since we're halfway (!!)

Thank you for letting me share.

Lots of love & kicks,
Katie and Baby Latte


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