Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Marriage is For Life


Have you seen this article on The Huffington Post by Iris Krasnow on the permanency of marriage?

'I Do' means 'I Will' not 'I May'

I found myself audibly affirming almost every sentence of this article; I think everyone should read it. Here is just a taste.

And so we make that choice every day, every fight, every disappointment, to keep our promise to be loyal and forgiving, to be a couple that lasts. We remember those words we exchanged, clutching each other's hands, in front of God and family and friends. A wedding is not a theatrical performance: it's the real thing, an adult decision that is supposed to determine the direction and integrity of the rest of our lives.


Obviously, this written in the wake of celebrity divorce announcements from the likes of Kim Kardashian, but I can't get over the way media often portrays divorce - as a necessary evil to keep one happy in life, instead of the emotional wreckage that it usually is.

A dear friend of mine recently finalized a divorce after ten years of marriage and two young kids. It has devastated their family. While she had more than enough grounds for it, it still surprised me (and maybe others) with the emotional wreckage it left behind. It's ugly, it's painful, and the damage is permanent.

That said, healthy marriage - and I'm blessed to be around a few of them in my life (my parents' especially) -can be a deeply meaningful and beautiful thing, even if it seems boring to others.

Pastor Tim Keller recently came out with a book on marriage, written with his wife, which E and I added to our Christmas wishlist. We both really appreciate the way Pastor Tim Keller teaches and preaches and we visited his church when we were in New York in June.

Here is an interview Dr. Keller gave about the book on MSNBC and much more extensive Q&A with Tim and his wife Kathy on the book that I found really helpful.

"[when you get married] you fall in love with the person they are, as well as the person they will become."
Tim Keller

"Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.”


Jessica Lynn said...

I'm going to read the Iris Krasnow post after I write this, but before that I just want to say I think it's great you blogged about it. Hearing about divorce after divorce—even if it's a celebrity—is just heartbreaking. Off to read the post now.

Geek in Heels said...

Thank you for writing this. It is exactly how I feel about marriage and divorce too.

Katie said...

Great post! I'm a child of divorce, and boy was it messy. It still is, over 20 years later. Growing up I vowed that I would never, ever get divorced. I'll admit that there have been many fleeting moments, in the midst of an argument, that I've thought "I'm done! This was a huge mistake" When the heat of the moment passes I remember that I can't imagine life without this man, and that I choose every day to be with him, no matter how hard things might get sometimes. Divorce is hard, but it's the easy way out. Marriage can be hard at times, but it's almost always worth it. I choose him and I choose marriage, and I choose to work at a good one. It's all a choice - and too many people take the easy, messy way out.

Katie said...

PS - not saying your friend took the easy way out. Sometimes divorce is really necessary- but always messy. I'm glad my parents are divorced- my dad is a horrible person and I'm glad we didn't have to live our lives with him. None the less, it wasn't an easy life for any of us.

beka said...

Thanks for posting this - I am heading to read that other post right now. I have a couple of good friends going through divorce, and it is heart-breaking to watch.

I hear from a lot of people how getting divorced was the best thing they ever did and how they should have done it sooner. But if you actually look at longitudinal studies, most people end up less happy, more stressed and poorer for getting divorced. Obviously not every marriage is happy... but how many of us put as much work and effort into keeping up our marriage as we do into getting married? Or for that matter... ending it?

Great post. Good reminder for me that I need to tend to my marriage.

Sara McCarty said...

I love when you write posts like this. I feel the same way about so much of this. Being a child of divorced parents, I think I try extra hard to make sure my marriage is strong and will last. The article is great, thanks for sharing.

Erica said...

What a beautiful and inspiring article. Thanks for sharing! I wish more people saw "I Do" as "I will."

North Meets South

Unknown said...

One of the best things that our pre-marital counselor told us and that we've seen played out around us is that love is a verb. It's not something you feel, it's something you do. Sometimes you don't feel like it, but it's a choice you make to love or not love someone every day. That paradigm shift in my thinking really put a lot of marriage things into perspective for me.

Anonymous said...

This is incredibly beautiful!! Thank you for sharing...and I love love the quote from Tim Keller!

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