I was kind of throwing myself a pity party last week. Facebook is a silly thing, and I came across a friend of a friend (whom I don't even know IRL) but who obviously is doing big things with her life.
I was reminded by a post on WifeyLifey, wondering if she should have gone on to pursue a graduate degree like almost all of her friends.
I'm at a young enough stage in life that I don't really have a lot of friends pursuing graduate work, but I still sometimes feel the tension of "what am I really doing with my life?". I'm not sure that doing what I feel passionate about is what I want in a career.
I'm not even sure I want a 'career'.
I'm currently supporting my husband through an education that, one he is finished, will almost assuredly make our lives somewhat unstable (financially and locationally). I have a good job that works perfectly for our current circumstances, even though it is not even related to what I planned on doing.
When I was in school (2 years ago), I was an extremely motivated student. I was over-involved with academics, extracurriculars, an internship and a job. And I loved it, because every minute counted. I worked hard, and I was proud of my accomplishments. (I was also 15 lbs lighter and stressed to the max)
I feel like "adult life" allows in some measure for me to be lazy and less accountable. I hate my current auto pilot mode. I miss the feeling of personal satisfaction from a job well done, and being pushed to do my best.
There has be some sort of compromise, right? I've found some inspiration in the blogosphere. Natalie is a great example for giving up t.v. to go back to grad school. I'm grateful for Sugar and Spice's admission about a lazy life, and it makes me wonder if my lack of purpose and tired/laziness lately are connected.
E is incredibly supportive of my dreams and goals. And he's encouraging me to keep thinking about what could be next for me and us.
I'm not sure what the answer is: grad school, different work (once E is out of school), learning to make much more of my free time, or just a shift in attitude. So I'm seeking it out, we're praying about it, and we'll see where things lead. Even though marriage changes a lot of priorities, I'm so thankful for a spouse who thinks its just as important for me to be fulfilled in my calling as he is in his.
Anyone else feel like they're in a personal or professional funk? What are you doing to stay motivated, active and engaged?
(all sunset photos take by me from the 15 freeway on July 4)