Love Story: The Decision

When I last left you, E had dropped some big news and was waiting on a decision from me.

(To catch up on the rest of our Love Story, click here)

There was a part of me that took the decision really seriously--I mean, we hadn't talked marriage yet, but I knew it was on both of our minds.

Me? A pastor's wife?!

I didn't have a clue what it would involve, so I allowed my mind to wander.

I imagined being broke & living in a parsonage we hated, because we wouldn't be able to pick out our own house. I envisioned us stuck in a rural area far from family and city life, dealing with impossible expectations of people who barely knew us (that I should have to have 8 kids, and play the piano, and be the church secretary and lead the weekly Bible Study. Ugh!)

[ps. most of those were misguided perceptions]

But then I remembered how much E loves studying the Bible. What a joy it was to worship at our church with him, and have discussions about life and faith.

I realized that the same things that fueled his desire to go to seminary were what made me fall in love with him in the first place.

After our engagement, the parents of a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to be a pastor's wife. My (unrehearsed) response then accurately portrayed how I felt about it that weekend, and how I still feel about it.

"I don't know that I want to be a pastor's wife. But I do know I want to be the wife of whoever E is going to be."

So I headed up to E's dorm room on Sunday night, sat down with him on the couch, and told him that whatever adventures were in store for us--I was in.

us in Dec '07 on that same grody dorm couch

Love Story: The Ultimatum

More on our Love Story

Weeks into our relationship, things were going swimmingly. I was balancing a heavy load of school work, internship, campus job & editing the school paper. We were having a typical college romance - catching lunch in the cafeteria in between classes, and then studying together in our dorms at night.

October 2007

On one of those nights, E said we needed to have a talk about something.

When I first met E, he was philosophy major with Poli-Sci and English minors. He was planning to head to law school along with Alex. But while Alex had holed up in his room to study for the LSAT, E had rearranged his semester class load to take Biblical Greek.

We sat on the couch facing each other as he shared with me that he had decided not to go to law school, but instead he was seriously considering the possibility of attending seminary. At that point he didn't know what he would do with a degree afterward, but there was a very real possibility he would become a pastor.

[In hindsight, this is probably why we didn't spend as much time talking over the summer as he was wrestling with this huge decision.]

As I stared at the wall wondering what was the appropriate response to this news (silly as it sounds, I had daydreamed about being the wife of politician or lawyer long before we had even met), E pre-empted my thoughts with an ultimatum I was certainly not expecting just weeks into our relationship.

He said he had sensed when we started dating that things would be serious, so he wanted me to know as early as possible where he was going in life in order for me to make the most informed decision about our relationship.

Without allowing much of a response, he asked me to spend a weekend thinking and praying about it, and let him know whether I wanted to stick it out.

Although the news itself was not entirely shocking, the decision that faced me was daunting. I had been dating this guy for less than a month!

Monday was going to come quickly...

Love Story: Finally

*sorry for the repetition! Blogger ate this post and I had to salvage it and re-post.

To catch you up: I'm writing about E and I's love story (very slowly).

We met in college, we flirted, wrote letters. I visited him with friends over the summer, barely heard from him again, and when we left off, I was anxiously awaiting the first day of school our senior year.

Sorry that this story hasn't exactly been keeping you on the edge of your seat! It was almost forgotten, but I'm finally finishing it up.

When I got to school in the fall, I was really nervous that my summer of daydreaming of E was delusional. But when a bunch of us friends got together the first day of school, E made a point to sit next to me. For the next few days he stopped over in my room, met me for meals, and was generally flirty.

About a week later he officially asked me out on our first date. I was excited in a confident, fist-pull, YES! sort of way. This was happening at last! [September 14, 2007]

Because E didn't have a car at school, I dropped off my car keys so he could "pick me up" (at his request) from our dorm parking lot. (adorable, no?) He left a note under my door telling me what time he'd be there and to wear something pretty, but something I could be comfortable moving around in.

I was...perplexed. Aren't first dates movie and dinner? a long chat over a latte?

I didn't take any pictures of the date, but here's one I snapped before I left.

He took me laser tagging, where I got dominated (as expected) by a bunch of 13-year-olds. I loved that we did this even more as I got to know E better. He wanted to spend our first date seeing how well I could "play". This became an important part of our relationship. (as Kelly put it so well!)

We then went for a walk at a forest preserve near school where we had a deeper and more meaningful conversation than most of our previous ones. We talked about our backgrounds, what we wanted out of our lives, and what we hoped for in a future family.

E made it pretty clear that he was serious about us before we even got to date #1. I had butterflies all night, but not the nervous kind.

We then went for dinner where we lightened up, laughed and were slightly embarrassed that a college acquaintance was our waiter. He didn't have any idea it was our first date! (he called me E's girlfriend which was unexpected, but sounded nice)

After the night was over, I felt a huge sense of relief and excitement that things had finally gotten started. But this wasn't quite happily ever after yet. :-)

The Story of Us: He calls, I check my list

I'm not sure my family really took my announcement seriously, and life went on as normal. I hovered over my phone, waiting for anything from E.

Weeks later, my phone buzzed a text message while I was on my lunch break. My heart leaped.

I looked at the screen and his name blinked up.

Opening the message, I took a deep breath and read "Would it be alright if I called sometime? ;-)"

stomach flutters. cheek flush. a smile

I wanted immediately to respond with a resounding "YES!" (finally!) but he had played a hard-to-get game and it was his turn in the hot seat. So I kept it cool, waited for a few minutes, and responded: "hmm, sure. that will work."

(I know, I'm such a player. It made so much sense at the time)

I never let my phone leave my sight, or turned the ringer off. A week later, I had plans with my friend, Mocha, to celebrate her belated birthday with a surprise helicopter ride her parents had won in an auction.

Of course, E calls right as we're about to leave. We chatted for a few minutes, and I told him I had to go to get on a helicopter--I don't think he believed me!

The next day we got to talk. It was a long, meaningful, but fun conversation that finally gave me confidence that we could be a 'thing.' One of those late into the night conversations where we just clicked. I kept running over my mental list of must-have's and couldn't find a thing missing. I had determined to be pickier this time around, but (as cheesy as it sounds), he really was a perfect match.

But there were still four weeks before school started...and do you think the phone rang again? I can laugh now, but then it was a torturous wait.

The Story of Us: Summer and a visit

Sorry to leave you guys hanging on this for almost two months! Yikes.

If you're new here, in November I decided to start writing E and I's love story. To catch up, read about our first meeting, spending 4000 miles apart, & the letter.

Summer of 2007

Our letters came to a sudden halt while E spent 5 weeks traveling in Europe with his best friend Alex. I followed his blog to keep up and when we got home--my roommate and I and Alex all bought tickets to fly out to California that summer for a friend's wedding and a reunion.

Early in the summer I enjoyed my freedom and dated a little, but didn't let anything get too serious, keeping my trip to see E in mind.

The four of us spent a long weekend in CA in July seeing local sights, including my first trip to Disneyland!

I got to see E in his comfort zone, and I spent the long weekend falling for him. I got the feeling it was a little bit of a test for me too. We did a lot of E's favorite things and I could feel his attention on me to gauge my reaction (he later confirmed this). He wanted to know what I thought of his favorite movie, coffeehouse, Mexican food joint, friends, dog, family.

E was flirtatious: intentionally sitting next to me on rides, buying me a churro, taking pictures together, having one on one conversations. I kept looking for some commitment (I like you, I'll call you, I'll miss you?) but E left me at the airport without even a hope of further communication. Just a "see you in September".

I spend the entire plane flight home with nervous butterflies. I was anxious that he hadn't made a significant move, but I was also really falling for him.

My concerns didn't stop me from telling my parents when I got home, that E was the guy I was going to marry.

Days went by, then weeks. And still no word from E!

The Story of Us: The Letter

It's been a couple weeks, so if you're new--catch up on our love story.

On a blustery day in mid-March I came back to my dorm and checked my email.

I had one email. It was from E.

A nervous knot settled in my stomach and I opened the email, and then the attachment (Later, it would become a habit to write our letters and attach them to emails instead of writing in the body of an email. Somehow it felt more personal, but still instant)

The letter was a page long and I scanned it for clues before going back and reading every word. It was sweet, friendly, and encouraging. It was not my first, but certainly a strong clue that E was what I had always wanted in a future spouse.

That week, I dragged my sister on a spring break road trip to clear my mind and heal my heart. After days on the beach and lots of journaling, I came home mostly recovered.

Savannah, GA (check out how long my hair was!)

I got back to school, logged into my email and replied.

Thus began the correspondence that changed it all. E & I got to know each other better through weekly letters written in late hours in between studying and extra-curriculars.

I still have every letter saved--they are my own fairy tale, filled with spiritual encouragements, sweet reminders, and inside jokes.

Reading them again puts an instant smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach.

After a couple of months of correspondence, I was beginning to feel like this would definitely turn into something big.

But then in May--the correspondence came to a sudden halt...

The Story of Us: Opportunity & 4000 miles

Catch up on our story here.

When the spring term resumed I was taking 18 credits, a section editor for my school paper, and working a campus job. I wasn't getting involved enough on campus to really meet people and make friends.

As time ticked by through winter, I grew increasingly dissatisfied with my college choice (I had chosen it primarily to avoid a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend). I wasn't enjoying my program and started looking into transferring to another school, even though it would mean an extra year before graduation.

Studying, circa Dec. 2006

Things were tense and unsettled with my then-boyfriend of a year. We had trouble finding common ground, and I began to realize our expectations didn't mesh.

All these tensions built up into a big argument in early February. I effectively said I was over the relationship, without breaking up. Laid out my reasons why it wasn't working. I was so proud of myself for standing up after months of deference and passivity.

We had a rocky few weeks and broke up in early March.

I didn't know how to be anything but crushed. Despite the slow breakdown of the relationship, it had still been my first. I allowed myself to succumb to the depression of a first break up and was having a rough time.

In the midst of that, I knew that my roommate was still staying in close touch with E and Alex in the UK, and I occasionally popped in on their Skype chats.

But I'm still not sure I can pinpoint why, a few weeks after the breakup, I sent E a random message alluding to my singleness, asking for prayer, and wishing him well.

I didn't think I was expecting a response, but when a few days passed and I hadn't heard anything, I found myself feeling pretty disappointed...

The Story of Us: we meet

Whenever we spend evenings with new couple friends, I always ask to hear their stories.

Have you ever asked a couple to tell their love story? They interject with silly details, laugh about the early embarrassing moments, and smile with gleaming eyes in remembrance of the romance.

To me, it's the sweetest story every time.

Inspired by Beka, I thought I'd share our story. It's not as exciting or dramatic as some, but it's ours.

(E is a much better storyteller than I, so I may at times interject his side of things from the story he wrote on our wedding website.)

A fact you may not know about me, for background: I was home schooled through high school, and started college a little earlier than most. I finished two years at a community college before transferring to the school where I met E.

Fall of 2006

I had started at a new school, my parents' alma mater, about 45 minutes from their house. With private school tuition making me a big-time debtor, I thought I would be a thrifty student and commute to school. It became clear within a few weeks that commuting was not going to give me the college experience I wanted. I found it hard to meet people on campus, and I had no place for down time in between classes other than the library.

So because of that, and because I felt ready for a measure of freedom from living at home, I asked the dean of students to find a place for me in the campus dorms.

(E's perspective) A few of my girl-friends had been informed that a new roommate was moving into the residence hall three weeks into semester. The one thing we all knew: she was home-schooled.

The first question I asked about her was, “Is she cute?” because most of us consider a “cute homeschooler” to be an oxymoron. But after meeting Katie, I knew that I had stumbled across one of the greatest paradoxes of my life’s experience: an attractive homeschooler.

Someday I'll talk about all the home schooling stereotypes I've been subjected to--but as you can see--E was pretty skeptical of me before we met.

Which was no loss to me. At the time I was a dating a police officer4 years my senior that I'd met in a local music scene (he was a drummer). It was a fairly serious relationship and I found it difficult to balance college campus life with a more established boyfriend who had moved into his own place.

As a result, I missed out on a lot of the typical college experiences, and didn't spend as much time on campus as I'd planned.

But one of my roommates was particularly close to E and his best friend Alex, and often invited me to hang out with them or eat together in the cafeteria.

We saw each other only occasionally and E always seemed particularly friendly, if not flirty.

I soaked up the attention as a carefree co-ed, but found myself finding more excuses to hang out with my new group of friends.

(E's hilarious perspective): It wasn’t long before I was displaying my charm and wit, only to discover that Katie was “seeing” someone else. Player that I am, I realized that the only way to win this lady’s heart was to play a little game of hard-to-get. So, I packed my bags and flew to England in order to show Katie the E-shaped vacuum which would be left by my absence.

At Christmas break we all parted ways. Cait heading to a semester in Spain, and E and Alex heading to spend a semester in Oxford.

I wasn't sure that any of us would go back to being friends like we had that semester, and I settled in for a very depressing spring...