a few months' perspective

The weird thing for me about transitions and difficult phases in life is that it's really hard to talk or write about them while I'm in the midst of them. Unless it's that stream-of-consciousness, I'm-not-sure-where-this-is-going babble...and there is a place for that, but for me it's not usually on the internet, or even on paper. I can't stand to write when I don't know what I want to say. (which is probably why I'll never be a brilliant author). I don't know that I have good perspective even now, but the itch to write returned, so I did.

I guess I should back up a few months.
This past summer and fall were really great for E and I. I (we) felt blessed and really thankful that we were both employed, staying in San Diego area for the foreseeable future, and having more time together after a long four years of E in school. We had a little extra income and could start paying down loans and enjoying a dinner out every few weeks without feeling guilty. We got more involved at church and spent more time with friends.

But then winter crept in, and we started feeling like maybe something should be happening. E had a good, but temporary/low-skill job while he waits for a pastoral call and I was getting restless and discouraged in my own job. We wrestled back and forth with what our next step should be and I started to get pretty down. After a few months we decided that we shouldn't put our life on hold indefinitely just because E might get a call to a church soon across the country or across the world. We needed to live in the present. So if he gets a call - great! We'll evaluate it when it comes, and if necessary, pick up and move. But if it takes one year, or five - we don't want to be living a lifestyle of waiting and settling for less, because 'just in case'.

I was ready to progress in my career, so I started the (nerve-wracking, exhausting, discouraging, frustrating) endeavor of job hunting in a field that I haven't directly worked in, and have good, but limited experience in - web communications and social media. I'll save that saga for the next post.

Almost five years post-college, I feel like I'm just starting to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. And I'm starting to realize why people say that they love their thirties...because they're actually starting to figure out what they want in life. (I want to be thirty and past this stage!) But I'm thankful for God's Word telling me WHO I am - a redeemed and beloved child of God - even as I struggle through the mess of growing up and getting older.

No longer home

I was in back in Chicago last week on business for a few days, but extended my stay to catch up with family and friends as we are going to celebrate Christmas with E's family in California this year.

Going "home" (I can hardly call it that anymore) has gotten weirder over the last two and a half years. I try to be realistic and not expect everyone and everything to be the same, but there's always an acute awareness that people have grown up, gotten older, and are moving into different stages in life (I'm the only girl from my former church who married in the last three years and doesn't already have at least one kid). Each time I'm reminded how relationships can dissolve unintentionally without the maintenance of weekly visits or chats, running into each other at family gatherings and church activities and in normal life.



I know its impossible to maintain all the relationships I had when I lived there. In a way it's probably abnormal that I've tried to keep up so many. My usual visits back home are packed to the brim with visits - coffee with a college friend, lunch with a childhood friend. Stopping by my old office to say hello to former coworkers, and dinner with yet another branch of my extended family.

This year I attempted to make make it less widely known that I was coming back, to be able to limit my visits a little more (It hasn't seemed to work for me yet). There are always people who surprise me with their interest in getting together, and others that force me to acknowledge we've moved on in our relationship.



It's easy for me to say that I don't miss back home, and for the most part that's true - . I love living in California. I love that E and I have had the opportunity to grow our marriage outside of the comfort and influence of my old circles of friends and family. I think its been healthy. But when I do go back I have to acknowledge that I'm a little sad about what I left behind. It's not just because I miss people and my former life, but because it won't ever be the same as it was. Visiting doesn't bring it back. It just serves as a reminder of what I don't and won't ever have.

So next time I visit my hometown, I won't be looking up every old friend, extended family member, coworker or mentor. I think I'll be content to remember that there are people who played a special role in my life at a specific time, and be grateful for it. And maybe it will be help me to be more present where I am, looking forward to where we'll go next. (a story for another day...)

I would love to hear from you guys who have moved away from home. What do you miss and what have you learned?

A Day in the Life

I've been looking forward to writing this post for a few weeks, so I hope you guys enjoy it! This week I spent a day taking photos and documenting what a normal day of life in Italy is like for us. Every day is a little different, but here is a peek into our life!

7am -- alarm goes off. We've been having trouble sleeping because of the heat, and for some reason between 5-8am has been the easiest time to sleep....so SNOOZE

8:30am -- hop in the shower

9:00am -- breakfast of apple tart and caffe latte

9:30am -- get dressed, ready for the day

10:10am -- tackle the breakfast dishes. Living in a small space we have to do these dishes after every meal...

10:30am -- I get a lot of satisfaction out of cleaning this area. Feels so much better when its sparkling! (The pastor's wife gave me a hint to cleaning the stainless steel - vinegar!)

10:35am -- take OOTD (Outfit of the Day) photos for Latte Loves Style on the patio. Usually I have to tie the camera to the fence and use the timer, as not to bug E (who is in the study all morning)

10:40am -- head to the weekly outdoor market in Bollate for the first time

10:55am -- this place is crazy! I've never seen so many different kinds of vendors -- clothing, shoes, rugs, curtains - in addition to the cheeses, cures meats, fish, produce, and breads.

I would estimate there were around 200 vendors. huge!

I find a doppelganger of my ex-bf's dad. Which I guess isn't SO odd, because he is Italian-American...but funny, because he's also a police officer!

11:14am -- Totally overwhelmed with trying to order cheeses and meats in Italian (and not knowing what to get), I decide to purchase some pesche noci (nectarines), 1€ for 1 kg This is about $.65 per pound!

11:40am -- I also stop by a clothing vendor and get a couple of tops for my sisters at €3.5 each, and one for myself.

11:52am -- arrive back at our flat, and it's time to start working. I sit at the kitchen table, plug in our internet pin drive and get started.

1:00pm -- It's already 26 C in the flat (about 78 degrees) so I change into my new top to keep cool.

2:30pm -- I take a short break for a light lunch of caprese with E. Fresh mozarella is cheap here and tomatoes came from a neighbor's garden. The pastor's wife prepares it with dried oregano and basil and salt -- so that's what I did.

2:48pm -- back to work....and on it goes.

3:00pm -- i snack on these amazing cookies called Macine. must be dipped in milk!

4:16pm -- take my real lunch break, and go for a walk with E to stop by some friends' to find out when we'll leave for Cinque Terre tomorrow. They are not home (this turns out to be a bad sign), and it is beastly hot. We pop into a grocery store to cool off and pick up jam.

4:39pm -- arrive home with croissants and jam, and I log back into the computer.

7:04pm -- Vittorio picks us up for haircuts at his brother-in-law's salon.

7:20pm -- I realized I have no way to bring a photo of the Katie Holmes pixie cut I wanted to try, and some difficulty communicating. I show the stylist approximately how much I want cut (a lot) and hope it turns out!

7:55pm -- tada! it's much shorter. and I have straight bangs! Not exactly what I was thinking, but I like it.

8:10pm -- we head to Vittorios for dinner with his brother-in-law and his BIL's gf.

8:25pm -- antipasti. Lox on bread, as well as red pepper spread and this incredible shredded cured meat that I can't remember the name of. YUM

8:45pm -- Daniela brings out parsley-tossed cold potatoes, bread and tuna stuffed olives

9:00pm -- the main course -- swordfish filets! baked with olives, tomatoes, and shredded bread. they were SO tender.

9:30pm -- fresh fruit is brought out after every meal. I forgot to snag a photos of the grapes, apricots and nectarines we ate

9:52pm -- ice cream comes out! Chocolate and creme brulee mini ice cream loafs. The creme brulee had this amazing sugary crust.

10:30pm -- the boys smoke while we all chat. Vittorio is the only one who knows English and Italian, so he spends most of the time translating.

11:10pm -- Vittorio and Daniela drive us home.

11:30pm -- sleepy computer research. We found out earlier in the evening that the couple who were going to take us to Cinque Terre have a sick daughter so we can't go. It's technically our 'day off' so we spend time trying to figure out an alternative plan that won't require 2 + hours on the train or too much money.

12:12am -- we give up, and decide to go to bed and see what tomorrow brings. Zzzzz

'Sno More

This weekend turned out to be really stressful due to car problems, snowy roads and traffic which put use on the road for a total of 10.5 hours (instead of 5) and cost a LOT of money.

Goodbye tax return.

After Sunday, E and I were ready to pack up and move to a city where we can exclusively use public transit.

Instead of focusing on the negative, here are some pictures of our weekend in the beautiful snow near Lake Arrowhead:

At one point it was snowing these mini snowballs (they weren't ice, but definitely not flakes!) I called them snow dippin' dots

The first time our little car has ever seen snow! It obviously disapproved, based on it's behavior the entire way home.

despite the beauty of the snow, we were happy to turn the heat off and stop worrying about slipping and sliding down the mountain.

I'm still amazed that palm trees and snow-covered evergreens can exist so close to each other (30 minutes!) Another reason why I love living in California.

Au Natural

Inspired by the post of Melinda, and following Katie, Kate, Carly and Kim. (and others)

here is the real me.

Last weekend when we were dealing with The Disaster, I showered, but opted not to do makeup or hair because we weren't going anywhere. It was the perfect opportunity to snap a few photos to unapologetically post to the world.

It was a great reminder I don't have to wear make up. In fact, this past weekend I didn't put any on, and didn't realize it until hours later!

Here is me:

I do feel like my morning transformation makes me feel prettier (and styling my short-ish hair is essential!), but as with many things, less is more. The real thing that would make me feel prettier is losing all the weight off my face. But hopefully husband encouragement (and Jenna's TWLC) will help!

Would you ever post pictures au natural? When do you feel prettiest?

The Story of Us: Opportunity & 4000 miles

Catch up on our story here.

When the spring term resumed I was taking 18 credits, a section editor for my school paper, and working a campus job. I wasn't getting involved enough on campus to really meet people and make friends.

As time ticked by through winter, I grew increasingly dissatisfied with my college choice (I had chosen it primarily to avoid a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend). I wasn't enjoying my program and started looking into transferring to another school, even though it would mean an extra year before graduation.

Studying, circa Dec. 2006

Things were tense and unsettled with my then-boyfriend of a year. We had trouble finding common ground, and I began to realize our expectations didn't mesh.

All these tensions built up into a big argument in early February. I effectively said I was over the relationship, without breaking up. Laid out my reasons why it wasn't working. I was so proud of myself for standing up after months of deference and passivity.

We had a rocky few weeks and broke up in early March.

I didn't know how to be anything but crushed. Despite the slow breakdown of the relationship, it had still been my first. I allowed myself to succumb to the depression of a first break up and was having a rough time.

In the midst of that, I knew that my roommate was still staying in close touch with E and Alex in the UK, and I occasionally popped in on their Skype chats.

But I'm still not sure I can pinpoint why, a few weeks after the breakup, I sent E a random message alluding to my singleness, asking for prayer, and wishing him well.

I didn't think I was expecting a response, but when a few days passed and I hadn't heard anything, I found myself feeling pretty disappointed...

Perspective

Last night my MIL and I went to Costco to stock up for Thanksgiving and my family's visit and

E asked me to get our tires rotated--only to find out they needed replacing.

This is just another expense in a growing pile of them. We've spent about $800 on car repair in the last six months, and I got a ticket for coasting through a stop sign (UGH).

Money is becoming far more stressful than I imagined it being. I planned for some car repair, but not that much. We have an emergency fund, but it's pretty modest. It's so frustrating to take one step forward and one step back. It seems like every small financial victory is followed by defeat.

But last night, E put it all into perspective for me with one simple reminder.

We have more than we need--we can always survive on less than what we do now.

And what good does it do to worry and stress? Tomorrow money might be the least of our concerns.

The Story of Us: we meet

Whenever we spend evenings with new couple friends, I always ask to hear their stories.

Have you ever asked a couple to tell their love story? They interject with silly details, laugh about the early embarrassing moments, and smile with gleaming eyes in remembrance of the romance.

To me, it's the sweetest story every time.

Inspired by Beka, I thought I'd share our story. It's not as exciting or dramatic as some, but it's ours.

(E is a much better storyteller than I, so I may at times interject his side of things from the story he wrote on our wedding website.)

A fact you may not know about me, for background: I was home schooled through high school, and started college a little earlier than most. I finished two years at a community college before transferring to the school where I met E.

Fall of 2006

I had started at a new school, my parents' alma mater, about 45 minutes from their house. With private school tuition making me a big-time debtor, I thought I would be a thrifty student and commute to school. It became clear within a few weeks that commuting was not going to give me the college experience I wanted. I found it hard to meet people on campus, and I had no place for down time in between classes other than the library.

So because of that, and because I felt ready for a measure of freedom from living at home, I asked the dean of students to find a place for me in the campus dorms.

(E's perspective) A few of my girl-friends had been informed that a new roommate was moving into the residence hall three weeks into semester. The one thing we all knew: she was home-schooled.

The first question I asked about her was, “Is she cute?” because most of us consider a “cute homeschooler” to be an oxymoron. But after meeting Katie, I knew that I had stumbled across one of the greatest paradoxes of my life’s experience: an attractive homeschooler.

Someday I'll talk about all the home schooling stereotypes I've been subjected to--but as you can see--E was pretty skeptical of me before we met.

Which was no loss to me. At the time I was a dating a police officer4 years my senior that I'd met in a local music scene (he was a drummer). It was a fairly serious relationship and I found it difficult to balance college campus life with a more established boyfriend who had moved into his own place.

As a result, I missed out on a lot of the typical college experiences, and didn't spend as much time on campus as I'd planned.

But one of my roommates was particularly close to E and his best friend Alex, and often invited me to hang out with them or eat together in the cafeteria.

We saw each other only occasionally and E always seemed particularly friendly, if not flirty.

I soaked up the attention as a carefree co-ed, but found myself finding more excuses to hang out with my new group of friends.

(E's hilarious perspective): It wasn’t long before I was displaying my charm and wit, only to discover that Katie was “seeing” someone else. Player that I am, I realized that the only way to win this lady’s heart was to play a little game of hard-to-get. So, I packed my bags and flew to England in order to show Katie the E-shaped vacuum which would be left by my absence.

At Christmas break we all parted ways. Cait heading to a semester in Spain, and E and Alex heading to spend a semester in Oxford.

I wasn't sure that any of us would go back to being friends like we had that semester, and I settled in for a very depressing spring...

TV and time

I have a much greater respect for people who blog daily. Since starting NaBloPoMo I feel like I am constantly trying to relate what I'm thinking and doing into my next blog post. It's' a lot of pressure!

Still, here I am on November 20th and still going, (albeit not going strong).

I have been hearing from a LOT of people lately, both in real life and in the blog world, talk about Modern Family. I currently only watch a couple shows every week: Community, Parenthood and 30 Rock.

We don't have have cable and don't watch any prime-time tv, so I rely on Netflix and Hulu. Generally we keep TV viewing to a minimum because its so easy to get sucked in and spend hours in front of it.

But I might be convinced to pick up Modern Family if I keep hearing what I do from such a diverse mix of people!

Speaking of tv shows--Glee, what gives? I'm kind of over you.

What are your top three tv shows?

Departure of the Deciduous

This weekend we had to say goodbye to one of my favorite things about the house we're renting:

Our giant backyard tree.

Our landlord had arranged to have someone trim it over the weekend and when he stopped by after the trimming he realized that 1. the trimmers had butchered the tree (chopped off the top and left the low hanging side branches that were supposed to be removed) and 2. the tree's trunk disease had gotten bad enough that its large branches would like fall and could do some real damage.

So he called us while we were both out on Saturday and let us know it had to go.

The best shot of it is from a photo I took of my outfit a few weeks ago.

I didn't realize how few pictures we have of our backyard until I started looking for them!

Here is another one taken the evening we invited our church's youth group over for a bonfire last September.

The tree covered about 2/3 of our backyard (on the west side of the house) and provided total afternoon shade. We rarely turned on our air conditioner because our house was so well-protected from the sun.

I've been looking online to see if I could figure out what kind of a tree it was and it might be some species of oak.

Our landlord was apologetic, but there wasn't much we could do about it.

I pouted and watched out the window while they cut it down, branch by branch

And then, it was over.

Our kitchen is three times as bright, but I think i would give up my sunlight to have that tree back.

(p.s. tree trimmers-why did you put that empty pot on the stump?)

I'm trying to look on the bright side (much more sunlight in our house, and a chance for grass to grow again) but this morning it looked no less sad and lonely.

I'm not sure anything's going to be done about the stump for a while--does anyone have suggestions about how I could make it a little less ugly? (a pot with a hanging plant?)